Things to think about

Wow, it's been a long time since I last blogged... The 7th of May, pre-exams I think, but I'm not too sure about that. This break from blogging wasn't from the fact that there were exams, nor from the fact that I had nothing to write about... Mainly I just lost the desire to blog. And today... Well, just happened that I suddenly 心血來潮, or something like that cos I'm not sure of the exact words =p And anyway, I shall begin...

Has anyone looked up at the sky tonight? While crossing the overhead bridge at Lakeside MRT station on my way home, I caught of a glimpse of the moon. Since it wasn't full I didn't really pay much attention to it. After getting on the bus, and eventually getting off at my stop did I realise how bright it was. Interesting isn't it? It's nearly an exact half tonight. The nice thing is that it isn't just a half of the moon that you see. Looking at it closely, you can see the silhouette of the other "non-white" half, lightly framed by a faint white outline. It's one of those phases of the moon I've never really taken note of before. And whilst looking at it, it suddenly reminded me of something really strange. I mean, the idea of "balance" suddenly came into my head. Yarh, stuff like yin and yang and whatnot. I mean, in everything there has to be this idea of balance. Even in the most minor of chores to the most major of projects. Interesting isn't it? Some strange thoughts that I had today were peppered with things like... How when you think something will go so wrong, somehow it turns out alright. And when somethings you're sure will be good, somehow bring your hopes crashing down on you. I know this isn't really a balance issue, but I was just reminded of it; something like how nothing's perfect, and everything, somehow, will end up being just... alright. I know some people with really good/bad luck will disagree, but hey, I'm not forcing my opinion on anyone, just something that I thought of today.

Well secondly, today our section went out to celebrate Gen's bday. I'd like to get all excited and use an exclaimation mark for the last sentence, but I don't really feel that it reflects how I feel now, which, obviously, isn't excited. Not that the party/gathering/outing wasn't fun, or that I in anyway dislike her, but it's just that I'm a little too tired and slightly pensive, and don't really feel exclaimation-markish. So sorry, Gen =) BTW, Jesica asked me about something while we were sitting around outside Starbucks. She asked my about my nick a couple of days ago, like who it was referring to and stuff. I was mildly shocked that she noticed. Yes, really. I didn't realise I sounded as pissed off as that. To whom I was referring, if you (if you actually do read my blog), or if anyone who happens to know who you are tells you, I'm really sorry. I didn't intend to mean it that way. It just so happened that some things happened that week, and when I went for our Japanese lesson on that Thursday, it wasn't just you that didn't turn up, but everyone I talked to wasn't there (obviously not including our 先生). And since we ended up doing oral practice for the end of exercise 16, she had me partnered with the "gamers" that you seem to dislike very much. And I was just feeling mildly uhhh lonely and upset. But I wasn't really pissed off with you, much anyway, and I do understand that you have your reasons for not being there, although I must admit some form of notification before or after the lesson would have been nice. I sincerely apologise if I've managed to upset you any, especially with my comment tonight about not being interested to hear your reason. I didn't mean that I don't care. It's just that I know you probably wouldn't have skipped lessons without a valid reason, and since the matter is over, I just didn't think it was necessary for me to know why. And yes, I really, really regretted the words that came out immediately after I said it, but I just couldn't bring myself to apologise there... Maybe it's just my "I-don't-want-to-lose-face" stereotypical guy side making itself known, but I really am sorry. I hope I don't do something stupid like that again too soon.

Moving back a night, yesterday I tagged along with the clarinet section to go watch X-men 3: The Last Stand... a second time. Yes, I did watch it before Friday, and I felt the movie was terrible after watching it the first time. Definitely not something you'd want to watch twice. Why then, did I go with them on Friday? That's an interesting question. For the company I guess. I know, I bet everyone thinks I'm mad to waste $9.50 to watch a lousy movie again, but I've never really gone out with them before, and I did say I'd watch with them... So I did. Heh, just realised I spent a whole lot of lines trying to explain myself without me actually saying anything. Oh well, back to that night... After the movie we ended up going to Suntec to celebrate Nic's bday. Of course, I felt a little out of place (being the only non-clarinetist there), which everyone seems to think I'm used to feeling already. Fine, I'm like an NUS student playing in the NTU band, I'm a guest player taking excessive interest in committee affairs, I'm a trombonist tagging along on section outings with sections I don't belong to. No need to tell me I'm extra yarh? I think I already know... It's just that... I'm not sure myself. If I'm not mistaken, in previous posts I've mentioned that I think I'm a little too sociable (in a passive sense) for my own good. No, not a social animal who's slightly rambunctious and bubbly and everything, but rather someone who prefers the company of other people rather than staying alone. I think I'm pretty talkative, but honestly, sometimes, or most of the time rather, I talk so that I don't think about how weird it is being somewhere I don't exactly belong. Maybe that's why I'm beginning to notice myself saying things I don't mean to say, or things I instantly regret the second it leaves my lips. (And also how noisy I am) I don't know... Feeling a little lost now I guess. And it's not just because these things are coming back to bug me. I guess there's ither stuff which I don't really want to blog about too. Bleh...

Ok, changing to a slightly less depressed-sounding topic. Tunkai says my playing is very soft. Is it? Really? I've had a couple of complaints that I'm too loud and Emmy says she doesn't need to play cos she can't be heard anyway. I can play louder you know... If you really want me to. But looking at the size of the band now, I think there's really no need. We're so terribly desperate for full instrumentation anyway. Yes I know I'm nowhere as loud as Alex, but he's too loud to begin with. Yes, really.

It's up to you to find meaning in the things that happen to you.